build and break


we continue to settle in, curtains are up, more boxes are emptied and the house really feels like home.

this week is tcc’s first ever backyard Bible club-style vbs…and guess who’s backyard (and dining room…and kitchen…) it’s in!  we’ve had about 12-20 kids come each night, and just as many adults ready to serve them!  the focus of the teaching has been on telling the kids who God is (Creator), what our problem is (sin) and what God has done to resolve the problem (Christ).  it’s really the basics of faith, which is good when you live in our neighborhood. 

it also just happened to work out that i’m off work this week, which is cool, because our house is an exciting (and slightly crazy) place to be with vbs going on!  and so i’ve found myself with ample amounts of alone/down time…great? right?

ben’s been taking the car to check out jobs and do manly things (like getting the oil changed) so i’ve spent the bulk of the past three days home…alone…

it’s funny, being confronted with yourself can be kind of scary sometimes.

monday was okay, the house needed to be cleaned something fierce…

tuesday i hit up the scrapbook hard core and made it through about a fourth of my freshman year of college…

yesterday…nothing.

i let it all hit. 

in many ways, there are so many parts to my life that are new that i feel almost as though i don’t know who i am any more, a complaint to which my husband has faithfully responded “You’re a child of God” for about a week now.

a response which i have foolishly shrugged off; gallivanting off to discover a “real” answer to my question.

but yesterday, it all came to a head.

my whole dilemma of self-doubt and wondering about my  identity.  i’m coming to realize that i can amass all the titles i want, all the roles i desire, all the stuff and talents and finery, but it’s all quite empty without Christ.

this morning my time with the Lord provided an answer to my wonderings…

(amazing things happen when you’re ready to listen, who knew)

‎”The Spirit of God in the process of sanctification will strip me until I am nothing but ‘myself’…am I willing to reduce myself simply to ‘me’, determined to strip myself of all my friends think of me, of all I think of myself, and hand that simple naked self over to God? immediately I am, He will sanctify me wholly and my life will he free from earnestness in connection with everything but God.” writes oswald chambers.

word.

i find myself being so stripped every day.

i am an unknown, and by being so, i leave myself open for Christ to come inside and do whatever He wishes…not just what i would bid Him do.
in 1 thessalonians 4 (the chapter oswald derives this from) paul admonishes the church to “live a quiet life”. 

do i grasp this concept even in the slightest?

life is but one unending, unyielding stimulation.

light.
color.
sound.

feeling.
emotion.
pain.

scent.
taste.
hunger.

what is quiet?

in my senses?

in my soul?

and how do live my life in such manor?

these are my thoughts as we build our new life in mke….and as we build, may we build quietly.
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